I am lucky.

In 2 months and 9 days, I get to marry this boy. I can't imagine any greater thing. Here is to a whole lifetime of adventures with my best friend. 

life improvement

That's right! In 7 months, I will be Shaylin Dye :) How awesome is that!? I better start practicing my signature... I swear I just barely got my name down a few weeks ago! 

To clear up any questions, no, I was not expecting it AT ALL! In fact, as soon as he got down on one knee, my mind turned to mush. I got this huge doofy grin on my face and was waiting for him to be like "Ah ha! Punk'd!" I vaguely remember saying "Yes!" and am glad I even remembered to do so! Thank goodness we got it on film or I wouldn't have believed it! 

The idea of being married is so exciting to me! It is also mind-blowing! The fact that we are house hunting, (like, legit house hunting, not just watching it on TV!)  joining bank accounts, and planning a wedding is so.... real! This is the most grown up thing I have ever done so far. It is great though, I feel so independent! Finally, "when we get married..." or "for our wedding.." or "our future home will have..." are no longer hypothetical statements! They are FOR REAL! And I LOVE IT! :D

September 15th, 2012

<3

(Note: Date is not completely final yet haha)

breathe in...

Here I be, back again!

Man, last night was not a good night for me. Feeling overwhelmed with homework and actual work really kicked my trash, as you can tell. Needless to say, I have begun the tedious process of looking for a new job... again! I do this at least 3 times a year. This time I am serious, OKAY!?

I am sick of stressing. Can't wait for it all to be over.

Just let me have an hour in here,



And then surprise me with this little guy,


And I'll be back to normal in no time.
:)

it's my pitty party. come if you'd like.

Alright... move along if you don't want to hear a pathetic sob story from me. I'm serious, just click that little red X at the top of the screen. I don't want to deal with your rolling eyes. Sometimes, I just gotta vent to no one... and everyone. Sorry.

Do you ever find yourself thinking, "Why me?"
Why can't school just work out? Why am I the only one who can't get the hang of it?
Why am I living paycheck to paycheck... still!?
Why do I have no motivation anymore, to do anything besides sit around?
Why don't people just get to know me for once, rather than make assumption based on things they do not understand?
Why can't I catch a break!?
Why can't anyone hear me anymore?
Why do I have to keep all these things to myself??
Basically, why me??

Don't get me wrong, I have super amazing people in my life, but I feel like I don't have the ability to be super awesome to them right now.
How is it that I try to make all these great changes to my life, and yet I am in the SAME freaking boat I was in 2 or 3 years ago!? When am I going to see all these benefits!? I am getting to the point where I cannot handle the let down anymore. My expectations for myself are driving me crazy. I am not where I wanted to be at this point in my life.
*I know that Brenen is going to read this at some point and wonder what the heck that means. Don't worry babe, you are by far the BEST part of my life. I am not refering to you in that statement. Pinky promise :)*

Ya wanna know what gets to me the most? You work SO hard to get to a certain goal, and no one recognizes it. No one says "Thank you for all you do!" or "Wow, way to go!". And ya know what? I don't care. At least not for a while. But when it has been some odd years, and this is still going on.... What the heck!? Do I really not exist in your world? Do you really look right past me everyday, or is that just something I make up? How many hoops do I have to jump through before you finally give me the recognition I deserve? Obviously too many, and I am not sure why I put myself through it daily. Actually, I do. And you are so lucky that my reason for doing such things is the biggest and most important part of my life, or you would know how I felt about you and you'd never have to see me again. Boy I can't wait for that day.

I also can't wait for the day when I can give back to those closest to me, who have given me so much with no questions. When I can contribute to our future, and feel like I have something to give. When I can make it easier to look at me and be reassured that everything is going to be perfect. When I have stability. Right now, my mind is pressured by so many different thoughts and emotions, I am surprised I can function correctly.

Brenen, I love you. Thank you for keeping me on my feet when all the world wants me to fall down. I don't think I could ever tell you how much I appreciate you. I know that sometimes, I can be tough to get along with. So thank you for standing by my side. Truth be told... I'm not quite sure where I would be without you. You really do save me from myself at times. You are my best friend. I will never be able to clue you in on just how important you are to me. You are just the greatest :) Love you.

it is how it is.

Ahh, just finished writing a paper for English tomorrow. Typical me, waiting til the last minute. But really, it is typical me. I ALWAYS wait til the last minute. Call it a gift or a curse. (Probably not a gift though... but not quite a curse.)

I feel pretty good about it though, which is a great sign. The only part I didn't feel good about was my conclusion. I asked too many questions. Kinda sounded lame. Blah, what's done is done.

My rock climbing instructor, (I'd call him professor, but to me that just seems too professional. He is more casual. His name is Paul by the way.) always uses this phrase;
"It is how it is."
I can't tell you how many times he said that during the 3 hours we were climbing.
Oh, you don't know how to crack climb? Well, get up there and do what you can. You just gotta learn, cause it is how it is.
Hmm, the helmets are pretty uncomfortable. That sucks, but it is how is it.

I'm telling you, everything ended in "It is how it is."
And I loved it.
I'm pretty sure I want that to be my motto. Life is how it is. You can only do so much, then you just gotta work with what you have.
It's great, huh!? I feel like this is kind of a light bulb moment for me!

Geez, I think I have been thinking WAY too much lately, cause I have had a headache non-stop for 2 weeks. It is driving me crazy. I constantly feel like my brain is going to blow up! Talk about the most annoying feeling ever. Wanna know another annoying feeling? The place on my bottom lip that I keep bitting. Over and over and over. So now it hurts like a mofo! Yeah, that is annoying.
But it is how it is!! :)

And to follow up on my last post, I decided that I want to change my bedroom. Let's make it look like this, shall we??

I know what you're thinking. "Is that REALLY what you want your bed to look like?"
No, no it's not. Mine will not be a piece of cardboard. It will be a cloud.
And yes, it is a bedroom underwater. :)
Did you get that? UNDERWATER! How I will have a tree house with an underwater bedroom is beyond me. But I will work it out some how.

With my birthday and Christmas coming on up, I thought I would go a head and make a "What Shaylin wants but doesn't really need" list. (If you just wanted to get me that dream house of mine instead, that'd rock too!)

Cinnamon roll pancakes you can make for my breakfast :)

Alright, so I thought I had more pictures of stuff, but it looks like I'll have to make a seperate post for my wish list after I gather a lot more.
Be sure to come back! :)

house of cards

Yeah, the blog has changed! I think it looks good, but I get bored with stuff really fast, so don't be surprised if it changes in a month or so. :)

So if anyone decides to build me a house someday, can it PLEASE look like this??

With a bedroom like this??

And a library like this?

And a chalk wall like this?

And a staircase like this?

And a pool like this?



And this?

And a couch with these on it?

And a clock like this?

With a view like this?

And a porch like this?

With a picture like this!?

And a shower like THIS!?

Okay, awesome!! Glad my requests aren't too complex! :)
My house is going to rock.
You're more than welcome to come over anytime you'd like.

Super :)

who you'd be today...

McKenna would have been 12 this year.

I can't hear this song without crying...
I wish I could have known her. I'm sure she is beautiful.
I was only 9 when it happened, but that is something you don't forget.
Rest in peace little sister. I'll see you again someday.