breathe in...

Here I be, back again!

Man, last night was not a good night for me. Feeling overwhelmed with homework and actual work really kicked my trash, as you can tell. Needless to say, I have begun the tedious process of looking for a new job... again! I do this at least 3 times a year. This time I am serious, OKAY!?

I am sick of stressing. Can't wait for it all to be over.

Just let me have an hour in here,



And then surprise me with this little guy,


And I'll be back to normal in no time.
:)

it's my pitty party. come if you'd like.

Alright... move along if you don't want to hear a pathetic sob story from me. I'm serious, just click that little red X at the top of the screen. I don't want to deal with your rolling eyes. Sometimes, I just gotta vent to no one... and everyone. Sorry.

Do you ever find yourself thinking, "Why me?"
Why can't school just work out? Why am I the only one who can't get the hang of it?
Why am I living paycheck to paycheck... still!?
Why do I have no motivation anymore, to do anything besides sit around?
Why don't people just get to know me for once, rather than make assumption based on things they do not understand?
Why can't I catch a break!?
Why can't anyone hear me anymore?
Why do I have to keep all these things to myself??
Basically, why me??

Don't get me wrong, I have super amazing people in my life, but I feel like I don't have the ability to be super awesome to them right now.
How is it that I try to make all these great changes to my life, and yet I am in the SAME freaking boat I was in 2 or 3 years ago!? When am I going to see all these benefits!? I am getting to the point where I cannot handle the let down anymore. My expectations for myself are driving me crazy. I am not where I wanted to be at this point in my life.
*I know that Brenen is going to read this at some point and wonder what the heck that means. Don't worry babe, you are by far the BEST part of my life. I am not refering to you in that statement. Pinky promise :)*

Ya wanna know what gets to me the most? You work SO hard to get to a certain goal, and no one recognizes it. No one says "Thank you for all you do!" or "Wow, way to go!". And ya know what? I don't care. At least not for a while. But when it has been some odd years, and this is still going on.... What the heck!? Do I really not exist in your world? Do you really look right past me everyday, or is that just something I make up? How many hoops do I have to jump through before you finally give me the recognition I deserve? Obviously too many, and I am not sure why I put myself through it daily. Actually, I do. And you are so lucky that my reason for doing such things is the biggest and most important part of my life, or you would know how I felt about you and you'd never have to see me again. Boy I can't wait for that day.

I also can't wait for the day when I can give back to those closest to me, who have given me so much with no questions. When I can contribute to our future, and feel like I have something to give. When I can make it easier to look at me and be reassured that everything is going to be perfect. When I have stability. Right now, my mind is pressured by so many different thoughts and emotions, I am surprised I can function correctly.

Brenen, I love you. Thank you for keeping me on my feet when all the world wants me to fall down. I don't think I could ever tell you how much I appreciate you. I know that sometimes, I can be tough to get along with. So thank you for standing by my side. Truth be told... I'm not quite sure where I would be without you. You really do save me from myself at times. You are my best friend. I will never be able to clue you in on just how important you are to me. You are just the greatest :) Love you.

it is how it is.

Ahh, just finished writing a paper for English tomorrow. Typical me, waiting til the last minute. But really, it is typical me. I ALWAYS wait til the last minute. Call it a gift or a curse. (Probably not a gift though... but not quite a curse.)

I feel pretty good about it though, which is a great sign. The only part I didn't feel good about was my conclusion. I asked too many questions. Kinda sounded lame. Blah, what's done is done.

My rock climbing instructor, (I'd call him professor, but to me that just seems too professional. He is more casual. His name is Paul by the way.) always uses this phrase;
"It is how it is."
I can't tell you how many times he said that during the 3 hours we were climbing.
Oh, you don't know how to crack climb? Well, get up there and do what you can. You just gotta learn, cause it is how it is.
Hmm, the helmets are pretty uncomfortable. That sucks, but it is how is it.

I'm telling you, everything ended in "It is how it is."
And I loved it.
I'm pretty sure I want that to be my motto. Life is how it is. You can only do so much, then you just gotta work with what you have.
It's great, huh!? I feel like this is kind of a light bulb moment for me!

Geez, I think I have been thinking WAY too much lately, cause I have had a headache non-stop for 2 weeks. It is driving me crazy. I constantly feel like my brain is going to blow up! Talk about the most annoying feeling ever. Wanna know another annoying feeling? The place on my bottom lip that I keep bitting. Over and over and over. So now it hurts like a mofo! Yeah, that is annoying.
But it is how it is!! :)

And to follow up on my last post, I decided that I want to change my bedroom. Let's make it look like this, shall we??

I know what you're thinking. "Is that REALLY what you want your bed to look like?"
No, no it's not. Mine will not be a piece of cardboard. It will be a cloud.
And yes, it is a bedroom underwater. :)
Did you get that? UNDERWATER! How I will have a tree house with an underwater bedroom is beyond me. But I will work it out some how.

With my birthday and Christmas coming on up, I thought I would go a head and make a "What Shaylin wants but doesn't really need" list. (If you just wanted to get me that dream house of mine instead, that'd rock too!)

Cinnamon roll pancakes you can make for my breakfast :)

Alright, so I thought I had more pictures of stuff, but it looks like I'll have to make a seperate post for my wish list after I gather a lot more.
Be sure to come back! :)

house of cards

Yeah, the blog has changed! I think it looks good, but I get bored with stuff really fast, so don't be surprised if it changes in a month or so. :)

So if anyone decides to build me a house someday, can it PLEASE look like this??

With a bedroom like this??

And a library like this?

And a chalk wall like this?

And a staircase like this?

And a pool like this?



And this?

And a couch with these on it?

And a clock like this?

With a view like this?

And a porch like this?

With a picture like this!?

And a shower like THIS!?

Okay, awesome!! Glad my requests aren't too complex! :)
My house is going to rock.
You're more than welcome to come over anytime you'd like.

Super :)

who you'd be today...

McKenna would have been 12 this year.

I can't hear this song without crying...
I wish I could have known her. I'm sure she is beautiful.
I was only 9 when it happened, but that is something you don't forget.
Rest in peace little sister. I'll see you again someday.

river rafting and school...

Alright, that was by far the craziest thing that happened to me while on my river trip! Of course the one thing that I was afraid of most happened! You see, we were coming around the "S" curve of the Snake River, and got caught in this super strong current that we weren't able to paddle out of. It sent us straight into a rock wall which flipped the entire raft over and we all fell out. 9 out of 11 of us got stuck under the raft, some long then others (like myself). But, thank goodness, we all managed to get out and get to shore safely. Man was it hard to get back on that raft! But I did, and boy am I glad. Rafting is seriously so much fun, and I'd do it again in a heart beat!! Here are a few pictures from the trip :)

Right after the flip!

All I can say is it was a great time with great people! I am way excited to go again next year! And Brenen will be there, which will make everything that much better :)

School is just around the corner, and I am actually pretty excited. I have been getting all my school supplies organized and it makes me super stoked to take notes, highlight stuff, and staple things together! I am ready to REALLY start school. Last semester was just... well... it didn't count. I am loving my schedule this semester and can't wait to start! I bought a new backpack! That should tell you how serious I am. It is purple, and was $9.00. Cheap material but WHO CARES!? I tried not to spend hardly anything on supplies, because tuition is going to kick my trash. :( They sure do make trying to get into school the most dificult thing ever. Bleh.

Well that is all for my boring update today. I am out of words.

leaving on a jet plane...

Well, not really. I'm actually leaving my sexy jeep! Looks a little something like this...

Excpet it is SO much cleaner right now, thanks to Brenen, Courtney, Aspen and I. Brenen cleaned it so good, then us girls waxed it. Sparkly and clean it is! :)

Anywho, I am leaving in... 2 and a half hours for the craziest adventure so far! I've never ever been before... and I am actually way nervous! I was thinking about it earlier, and with my lack of swimming abilities, I am slightly scared. But mostly excited! I know what you are thinking, and yes, I will have a lifejacket on. So I really should be okay!

Right now my baby, (AKA my jeep) is at Best Buy getting the bass fixed. Didn't want to drive 5 hours without being able to BUMP THE BEATS! Oh, P.S., my car just got the best gas mileage since I've had it I think. 230 miles so far and I still have a quarter tank left! Honestly, that rocks! I was pretty stoked about it when I realized that. I love that little things like that can brighten your day!

Well that was really all I had to say right now. I'm just waiting for my car to get done while Brenen sleeps. He was way tired today. I am too, but I just can't take a nap! My nerves are going nuts and I am anxious. Anxious to leave, and anxious to get that first run over with, so I know what to expect. Some parts of river rafting sound sketchy, but there is risk with anything you do, right!? So I just gotta breathe and remind myself I'm going to have a great time. I really wish Brenen was going; I think that would help with my nerves more. I guess one of our friends who was originally going watched some rafting videos on youtube and freaked out, so she is not going anymore. I'm not going to watch any. I don't want to get more freaked than I am. You only live once, and this is something I have always wanted to try! So I'm going no matter what!

There are some random pictures from last summer that I just found :) Thought I should leave you off with something to look at, yeah!? Have a good weekend, I know I will!!

puppy love.

You will never guess what I want! I want a dog. I know I have said that before, but look how well dogs and I get along with each other!

Bandit and I smiling for the camera!

Baby I'm howling for you.

What do you think you're looking at!?

Yeah, its safe to say that I get dogs. We have a special bond. That is why I need one. I mean, I can't keep pretending that Bandit is my dog! Cause he is not.. sad day I know. I'll admit, some dogs are pretty annoying. And stupid. But then there are some dogs that really got it going on!! I was going to try to post some videos from youtube to prove my point, but it looks like it wont work! Boo!

So I am gearing up for the big river rafting trip next week! I cannot tell you how excited I am! I have never been before so this will be an amazing experience! I am sad Brenen can't go but because he just got bumped up to full time he has no vacation days... :( Once again... BOO!

Oh and I just wanted to say before I leave, that I LOVE SHARK WEEK! Yahoo! I watch it eveytime I am home. Super interesting and makes me wish that I had continued my goal to be a marine biologist. That would really be one of the best jobs out there! Diving every day, swimming with fish, getting awesome pictures and videos, learning more and more about the animals in the ocean.. Ahh... I was going to go to school in Oregon... would have been sweet. But thats okay, I love the major I am in. Outdoor Recreation :) Alright so this was a fairly random blog, it was suppose to be just about dogs I think! Oh well!

I took this picture the other day while we were hiking to this amazing rock climbing wall in the High Uintahs, and it was one of my favorites! Hope you like it too :)

 

just too cool.

Wouldn't you know it??
I'm in love with my best friend.
And let me tell you something.... we are way cool. Not kidding! If you couldn't tell by now, we do a lot of awesome things that others may not have to opportunity to try! I am extremely grateful that we are able to have these fun experiences! I know I will not regret any of them when I am older! Plus, I want to be able to show my kids what they are in for as they are growing up :)
Here are some more pictures. I really am getting better at taking them!

I can't tell ya how much I love my life right now! I am in the right place with the right people. It is an amazing feeling. It's so freeing to feel like you're headed in the right direction! My future is as bright as I make it, and so far I'm shining like the sun :)